Recently I have come in contact with various situations regarding commitment, what in fact love is, and what exactly it's supposed to look like. I've always had this ideal picture of what I wanted in my head and have observed several relationships personally that I had in fact thought to be nothing less than perfect. The last week has provided some unmentionable news that has shaken me to the core, to the point of completely reconsidering all of the things I had wanted in a husband.....yet I'm not completely ready to throw in the towel.
Today's society promotes the instant gratification of casual sexual relationships, but never addresses the commitment that is supposed to go with it. Why else do you think the heartbreak exists? So many people are afraid to truly commit because of all the casual flings they've had along the way that didn't work or their heart got broken. That doesn't deter people from marrying anyway, but the sanctity of marriage is near history. Sad, well yes.....absolutely true, why yes indeed. So here's my thoughts, my wants......and I refuse to think that these concepts are extinct.
I am a member of the social group identified as "single." Regardless of the walk of life you have enjoyed or suffered, singleness is a stage of life all humans have to go through at one point or another. I look forward to the freedom that is found in being a co-dependant partner to a man that has made the mutual commitment with me to partner through the rest of our lives in that archaic social system known as [gasp]: marriage. As someone who doesn’t agree with society's new trend of "starter marriages" and rampant divorce, the desire to find a husband, in my case, a Godly-husband, is quite challenging yet I remain hopeful.
As a young woman of a Christian faith (struggling at times, yes), I desire a Godly-husband, a type of male character that is perfectly modeled after the Lord of our faith: Jesus Christ. The man I hope to marry is not perfect, far be it. He is quite human, and as such, he will do or say things that may not always be right. Yet he stands out from the rest of the world's men for two simple reasons: he is a man of faith who lives his life according the word of God, and he is a man of purpose. A husband, contrary to popular belief, doesn’t necessarily have to be the breadwinner of the family. He is one half of a two-part equation. He is responsible for loving his wife, respecting her, and in many instances being selfless. He demonstrates humility, sacrifice, faith, compromise, courage, strength, and commitment to the woman he loves by putting THEIR needs before his own and striving to love her unconditionally everyday. His responsibility is vast as he will bear the burden of being the spiritual covering, the protector, and leader of his household. He does not have super powers, nor does he have to be rich and famous. His virtue lies in his ability to step up and lead in the role in which he is called, and may often not want to do. A Godly-husband, enjoys life, spends time with his family, pursues his own interests, and does a lot of things like any other man; only the clear difference is that this man does it all for the glory of God. Whether it be rejoicing in a success at work, having boys only time, spontaneous mini vacation with the ole’ wiferooski, whatever it is, this man commits all that he does before this Heavenly Father and as such he is blessed in his purpose. The Godly-wife reciprocates the same traits and virtues and is called to respect, support and encourage her husband.
The couple will have areas of opportunity to blossom in adulthood, and will do so with the encouragement and support of a Godly-partner. Two people of like minds and faith can create a marriage founded on the right principles and have the ability to overcome the challenges of marriage to make a life long vow; as well as partner with each other to fulfill their life's goals. When selfishness or self-centeredness exists, it's a breeding ground for trouble and resentment. So I ask, honestly, are these things too much to ask for in a spouse? Not just for me, for any of you…….male or female. Why is it so hard for us to love and trust one another, and to live by the vows made on that special day?
PS: Sam, remind me to never blog again when I’m bothered by something…….I come off a bit snippy.
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6 comments:
I sensed no attitude at all. This was one of the most honest and real posts I've read from anyone in quite a while.
The things you seek are never out of reach and in no way are they too much to ask for. The key to being happy about your decision of husband or wife is to be realistic that they will fall short much more often than they will achieve all those ideals. It's no excuse for selfishness or lazyness, but it's best to know that perfect vision will never be attained.
That said, you deserve the world, everyone does. Don't settle for less. (Not saying anyone's present beau is less than par; generalities only.) If you go into a marriage thinking, "he/she does this or that but I can live with it or they'll change after we're married" or whatever other lies people tell themselves to make themselves feel better about gut-level issues, your marriage will fail. By fail I don't necessarily mean divorce (which is the worst scenario) but rather sadness and despair and heartache and tears. Marriage is too lasting to live with those things. So always pursue the person that makes you feel alive, but at the same time will never make you feel dead. Those two can seem to be polar opposites but they exist in more marriages than we realize.
I have a feeling this could be a great conversation if more people were exposed to it. Marriage (whether everyone admits it) is on every adults mind. Single people, married people, divorced, widowed, whatever, people are always thinking about it. In the same way, everyone has an opinion about it as well. Thank you for being honest.
Don't get me wrong, perfection would be amazing but I realize that it's virtually non-existent. This is simply just an ideal of what attributes and goals I believe people should have when making that commitment, even though they may indeed fall short of things a time or two. Thats to be expected, after all we're all human and no one is perfect.....well ok, maybe just Bob Ross and that little kid from Jerry M'freakin Guire.
Please know I didn't mean to come off argumentative or that you're a pie-in-the-sky dreamer. What I said there was only about half what was in my head. But then I saw how long winded I was getting so I ended it.
The other half is kinda in the other direction in that I think no one should ever settle. I kind of touched on that but not to the extreme I wanted to. Even though we should always be forgiving of our partner's faults, we should also be very firm and demanding (in love) about what we want from that mate. In a perfect world, you'd only get one choice when choosing a partner. So why wouldn't you pick the one that is exactly what you're looking for? (Which I think is where you were going with the divorce stuff.) Life isn't perfect, and turns out it isn't very long either. So why in the world would you choose a person that doesn't meet the needs and wants that you have for yourself? This is one of those times where being selfish is a good thing.
Love ya sister; this is a great topic. Good stuff.
Sam I think you enjoy arguing, it's pretty much the one thing I know is always a possibility when I'm in your presence. That being said, in no way did I think you were being argumentative......I just wanted to make sure that perfection wasn't what I'm looking for and that the blog didn't convey that. Anyways, I'm pretty smitten with what I have, which is a pretty big statement because I tend to be pretty picky with everything in life. But when that time does in fact come for me, don't you worry my friend...I'm going for the gold, silver will just not do.
Meg, I didn't realize you actually ever used this thing. Some real great thoughts in here, one thing you have to realize(and i'm pretty sure you do) Is that we are human. Everyone of us is destined to fail in one aspect of our lives or another. Its how we treat the other person when they fall short of what we expect from them. Also the significant other who does let the other down needs to be able to acknowledge his/her shortcomings and try to change them and most importantly own up to it. Relationships are all about growing deeper into one another, and in my experience that will never stop. Sometimes the worse will weigh out the better, but the better always makes it worth sticking around. Grant
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